The hippo goes to university

(Chris' wife Kate: it has been well over a year since Chris’ last blog entry. Chris has intermittently wanted to continue writing but various obstacles have been blocking his path. Sometimes a few months has elapsed and the blog has gone unmentioned, now there seems to be some urgency about wanting to write again. Navigating his way around his trusted MacBook became too difficult last year; his handwriting has become slow and laboured. We tried using dictation software, but as Chris is so softly spoken we spent more time retracing our steps than moving forwards! We finally found something that seems to work in December, (then another two months elapsed) – Chris dictates his thoughts and I type them up. We agreed that I would interject at various points to add detail or clarity. Here’s our collaborative effort as we restart after more than a year’s hiatus. These words flowed from Chris in one sitting, I have only made minor alterations.)

“I found it quite difficult last year, thinking is this it? Is this something I can do? (the blog) I’m getting worse, is this worth it? You know me, I don’t have the ability to do it now.

The reason I use the Northern Ireland protocol .... not seeing eye to eye - the Republic of Ireland and NI …all this fighting….it’s like that, going up and down, bringing together things they share…it’s sort of like that, what I’m going through, it’s sort of I’m battling a um um my brain, it’s difficult to work out what my brain is doing, two different things working…. The relationship between me and my brain. There’s me inside and what I’m trying to say and then there’s my brain not doing what I want. The protocol between me and my brain is broken, this is a good metaphor for it.”

(Kate: what have you been doing over the last year?)

“The places we’ve gone to…. the organisations helping me, I am grateful for that. We’re all different in terms of illness, some people are a lot more severe at the moment. I get scared as I don’t know what will happen ... so many people want to help. We’re all different in how we cope…it brings us together. https://www.openarmsartists.org.uk/creative-age

Last year, so many things I can’t remember …. I started to worry more about my family and the help they give me…

Games and playing scrabble, getting to know people, some more advanced. I have a good time, it’s also for carers, it's difficult for them too. At one point I’m thinking I don’t know what to do…. never had thoughts that I can’t cope with this, really unpleasant for my family. I’ve got to know a lot of people, some are worse than me. We do positive things…children came in and we made paper birds, we share tea and cake afterwards. Lots of people give up their time to run the sessions and do the catering. It brings people together.

Sometimes things overwhelm me…why the hell I have got this? I get very cross, it’s unfair. There aren’t many people with Young Onset Dementia. I’m cross that I’ve got it. Lots of people with Alzheimer’s are much older. I’m angry I can’t drive, I rely on others to take me out. I think it will be easier once I accept it. I don’t want to be thoroughly upset all the time ….. still lots of things I can do. Phase of “what’s the point?" I still have family, some friends. Later on last year and then Christmas (Kate: Chris was enjoying himself) I thought - this is what it’s all about! I thought come on, get yourself up, this is what it’s all about! I can still write words.

I can still read, it’s hard, there are books I know I’ll never read again.

I don’t have to wear myself out or get cross.

I see this year as being a time for me to be fairer on myself, I know I can still have fun, it helps me…. thinking for a long time…bucket list .... this doesn’t have to be horrible.

I’m down sometimes. I can still cope with it. Everyone else has their lives…”

(Kate wrote a list of the places we visited together last year, Chris read the list, then he talked about them)

“It was good getting down to the sea, lovely walking through the sand. I went to that place with a sauna overlooking it, lots of time by the sea, and it was nice to play like a child. I made a Stonehenge out of pebbles, I really enjoyed it. It took me back to my childhood. We walked along the coast path. We went to Swanage but I can’t remember anything about that. Saundersfoot – likewise I don’t remember that. Scotland - to meet my brother. Very small place, Golspie. Lovely and close to the sea. Top part of Scotland. My brother has a house there. Quiet place, not many cars, gorgeous view in an arc, stones ….. I think it was ….a mad dog who was just so bouncy... a hot tub in the garden... walking along the sandy beaches… climbing up a hill, two of them …. weather was amazing for N Scotland.”

(Kate: we had a week in Swanage in early April - the first four days with Kate’s sister, brother-in-law and our eldest son, then a few days just the two of us. Beautiful walks along the Studland beaches, the coast paths to Durleston Castle and Old Harry Rocks, wandering on beaches, fish and chips, ice-creams, walks on the downs. Saundersfoot in July with our two sons – more walks along the coast including to colourful Tenby, ambling along the beach, coffees overlooking the sea, a family afternoon in St Brides Hotel spa with an infinity pool overlooking the beach, a microbrewery in Tenby, sitting on the garden sofas in the sunshine. Precious family time making memories… Scotland in late August with Chris’ brother, his wife and their dog McMerlin. Exploring wonderful empty beaches with huge skies, the coastline north and south, climbing to the top of Ben Bhraggie with a fantastic panoramic view, wandering in the streets of Royal Dornoch and visiting its tiny Cathedral, a whisky cocktail at the Clynelish distillery)

(Kate: In case you are still wondering about Chris' unusual choice for the title of this entry let me explain! The hippocampus is a complex structure embedded deep in the temporal lobe of the brain, in fact there are two, one in each hemisphere. They play a major role in learning, memory, emotional behaviour and spatial navigation. They are one of the first regions of the brain to suffer damage in Alzheimer's disease. Chris said "I'm bloody annoyed with these little blighters!"

P.S. those of you who are avid followers of Chris’ blog (and are familiar with his grammatical prowess) may have noticed an almost complete absence of colons and semi-colons. Apologies to you Chris, and to you all, but I have never been able to use either of them correctly or with any degree of confidence (I blame it on not attending a Grammar School!) Instead, I’ll happily sprinkle the text with hyphens or ……. Chris would know exactly how to punctuate this correctly.

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